Things to make you forget about the weather.

So! Here in Scotland the snow has brought Edinburgh to a stand still. Roads are closed, shops are closed, bars are closed, the WHOLE frikin city is closed. You can’t even trawl the internet for Christmas presents because you wont even get them delivered on time due to the shiteing snow effecting our hideously under prepared country. So! I have dutifully compiled a list of 5 wonderful things that will hopefully distract you from it all long enough to remember that once upon a time all you wanted was for it to snow at Christmas.

1. The Eight: Reindeer Monologues

16-19 December at The Store (formerly the GRV) 8pm Tickets are £10 (£8 concessions) and are available on the door.

The Eight is a play about Christmas, Santa and bestiality. Intrigued? Me too! When one of Santa’s reindeer accuses him of sexual harassment, the rest of the herd also cries rape. As each deer tells his story, a tale of epically horrific proportions unfolds. Not even Columbo himself could have called that one.


2.  Hairspray The Musical

14 of December 2010 - 9th of January 2011 at The Edinburgh Playhouse http://edinburghplayhouse.org.uk

So here’s the part where you think I'm lame and stop reading my awesome list. If you can't light heartedly enjoy the hilarity of a musical then you shouldn’t be reading my list to begin with. Set in 1962 Baltimore, Maryland, chubby teenager Tracy Turnblad pursues stardom as a dancer on a local TV show and rallies against racial segregation. Starring Michael Ball and ex-Monkee Micky Dolenz, Hairspray is one the most highly regarded musicals ever made and definitely worth seeing. "You can't stop the beat..."


3.  Phil Jupitus & Ian Rankin

16th December 7.30pm The Voodoo Rooms Tickets £5 www.thevoodoorooms.com

I, unlike my mother and possibly some other people, quite like Phil Jupitus. He’s a bit of a cock but who isn’t? You probably only think he’s a cock coz your jealous that he’s a cock and so are you but he’s a famous cock and your just a lame unknown cock. The word has lost all meaning.


4. Urban Outfitters Sale

If I were president, my name, would be Baberham Lincoln. And I, would want this mug. You can either brave the icy streets to buy it for me or order it here http://www.urbanoutfitters.co.uk it probably won’t come till like January but I don't mind. You can give it to me as a late Christmas present. Your gift will be a hug. Problem?


5. Tron: Legacy

Released to cinemas December 17th

Personally I think this looks pretty sweet but not being a film Nazi I guess you can't really take my word for it. Therefore I think we will all just half to go see it and then discuss it later. What else are Orange Wednesdays for?